21:45

Have you ever though about why they call it a crush? It's because that's what it does; crushes you, right into the ground when you know you don't have a chance. Maybe it's time for me to stop; to stop 'falling' for all these people, because it never, ever end well. Over and over again I'll be hurt -  but this time I'm determined that I will not be ruined by the next person that comes along. Realising all the past things I've been through - lying, cheating, force; the list goes on - I realise I just need to find the right person who will treat me like a human. How about this time, I reconsider all the things I've fallen for before -  good looks, seemingly kind - and just think about how fucking high I felt when I saw you on another yesterday. Every time I've seen you before I've just seen you, but now I see you.  Rakes clawing at my stomach just because of you, and I don't even understand why.

On a day I saw you and I fucking screamed in my brain because how dare your hair be so perfect, and how dare your eyes be that fucking blue, and how dare your lips look so nice, and HOW DARE YOU WINK AT ME AS I WALK PAST OH MY GOD ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME- Oh god. I've fallen fucking face first into you, and I can't get out because your smile if so god damn contagious and I don't want to stop smiling back at your chubby little cheeks and-

I could go on all day and I don't even know why.

You're gonna love someone else, aren't you?

I hope not.

~

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