Only me.

A look into one of my recurring nightmares. • I’m in a dark, dusty room, unclean mirrors side by side on each wall, the cracks filled in with old floral wallpaper, and I look at my reflection; it is blurry, almost unrecognisable, but as I make out my bare feet, my body slowly becomes clear. My clothes are the first thing I notice. Tight, revealing clothes that show as much flesh as possible. I immediately understand why there are mirrors - to see my horrific body all around me, to send me mad. Every mirror now has a disgusting girl trapped inside, and in her eyes is fear. I stumble; I cannot leave this room. I am surrounded by copies of the same disfigured body and disfunctional brain.  Stopping myself for a second, I think about the situation - I could never tell if it is a dream or not, my state of mind makes me constantly in a dream-like state, detached, derealised, depersonalised, deranged. My head begins to swell and throb, and I walk over to the closest mirror. I

Trying to ground myself has recently become a very hard thing to do. The worst thing is coming out of a cinema after watching a film for hours, familiarising and immersing myself into the world of that film, so when I leave I see unfamiliar faces of my friends and a strange world. I get so easily sucked into things, so film watching really isn’t something I can do without it having quite a big impact on how I am for the rest of the day, possibly for longer. My friends like to laugh about me never watching any films and I laugh along with them, writing down films that I’m going to never watch because I know it will damage me. The strange feeling of hope always appears just after watching a film. I have this sudden thought that I might be in a completely different universe where I can finally be happy, and getting myself out of that mindset is very hard. Baths are something that help to ground me. The feeling of the hot water stinging at every pore in my body brings me down from what