Only me.

Happy birthday, Lucy. god we miss you. so, so much. thank you for taking care of sophie, before and now, for watching over her and keeping her safe and happy. thank you for reminding me that happiness is the best medicine, and smiling and laughing makes everything so much better. thank you for being you, and for teaching us that people never pass away, only go to a better place, staying with us all the while we wait to join you. i hope you’re having fun where you are, laughing when you remember the best times. we miss you, Lucy. you will always, always  be laughing in our hearts. smiling in our minds.  happy birthday, angel x

It’s the strangest feeling that i get when i really want to write, but i just don’t know how to word everything. There are so many feelings that i have had in the past few months but i just don’t know how to say it all. I’ve hardly spoken to anyone about any of this, aside from the occasional conversation late at night, but i just need to get the entire thing out and get it off my chest. I feel so lonely . I feel so, so alone and I don’t know how to deal with it. It’s the most horrible feeling, because I have the most amazing friends, but I just feel so lonely. Everyone’s got someone like a partner, and I just crave that so badly, i just want someone who could love me for real.  Sure, I know what love is, i have the most spectacular friend who I love so so much, but I want to know what love   feels like. I want to know how it feels to have arms wrapped around you late at night and know that they’re not judging how fat you are. I want to look into someone’s eyes and let the...

Have you ever though about why they call it a crush? It's because that's what it does; crushes you, right into the ground when you know you don't have a chance. Maybe it's time for me to stop; to stop 'falling' for all these people, because it never, ever end well. Over and over again I'll be hurt -  but this time I'm determined that I will not be ruined by the next person that comes along. Realising all the past things I've been through - lying, cheating, force; the list goes on - I realise I just need to find the right person who will treat me like a human. How about this time, I reconsider all the things I've fallen for before -  good looks, seemingly kind - and just think about how fucking high I felt when I saw you on another yesterday. Every time I've seen you before I've just seen you, but now I see you .  Rakes clawing at my stomach just because of you, and I don't even understand why. On a day I saw you and I fucking scre...

i rise from my bed, slip downstairs, and go in my garden. i sit, leaning back against the wood of my patio, running my fingers ever so delicately through a patch of grass which i wish you were sat on. lacing my fingers through the blades, i close my eyes and grasp a section of it, imagining your fingers intertwined with mine, thinking of how our minds could be laced together with much desire. the craving i have for you is unimaginable - my longing for you is like a drug, and i am a hopeless addict, like many before. or perhaps not. you could be anyone - i have never thought of who you may be, only that the love i have held waiting for you has nearly diminished through lack of love from anyone else who thought we were- soulmates. all those others, the ones i thought you may be, have only ever dispersed me out for themselves, for their selfish gains. i have been so many peoples first kisses, but none of them are important to me, for i only crave one kiss. maybe someone has stolen...