Only me.

It’s the strangest feeling that i get when i really want to write, but i just don’t know how to word everything. There are so many feelings that i have had in the past few months but i just don’t know how to say it all. I’ve hardly spoken to anyone about any of this, aside from the occasional conversation late at night, but i just need to get the entire thing out and get it off my chest. I feel so lonely . I feel so, so alone and I don’t know how to deal with it. It’s the most horrible feeling, because I have the most amazing friends, but I just feel so lonely. Everyone’s got someone like a partner, and I just crave that so badly, i just want someone who could love me for real.  Sure, I know what love is, i have the most spectacular friend who I love so so much, but I want to know what love   feels like. I want to know how it feels to have arms wrapped around you late at night and know that they’re not judging how fat you are. I want to look into someone’s eyes and let the...

Have you ever though about why they call it a crush? It's because that's what it does; crushes you, right into the ground when you know you don't have a chance. Maybe it's time for me to stop; to stop 'falling' for all these people, because it never, ever end well. Over and over again I'll be hurt -  but this time I'm determined that I will not be ruined by the next person that comes along. Realising all the past things I've been through - lying, cheating, force; the list goes on - I realise I just need to find the right person who will treat me like a human. How about this time, I reconsider all the things I've fallen for before -  good looks, seemingly kind - and just think about how fucking high I felt when I saw you on another yesterday. Every time I've seen you before I've just seen you, but now I see you .  Rakes clawing at my stomach just because of you, and I don't even understand why. On a day I saw you and I fucking scre...

i rise from my bed, slip downstairs, and go in my garden. i sit, leaning back against the wood of my patio, running my fingers ever so delicately through a patch of grass which i wish you were sat on. lacing my fingers through the blades, i close my eyes and grasp a section of it, imagining your fingers intertwined with mine, thinking of how our minds could be laced together with much desire. the craving i have for you is unimaginable - my longing for you is like a drug, and i am a hopeless addict, like many before. or perhaps not. you could be anyone - i have never thought of who you may be, only that the love i have held waiting for you has nearly diminished through lack of love from anyone else who thought we were- soulmates. all those others, the ones i thought you may be, have only ever dispersed me out for themselves, for their selfish gains. i have been so many peoples first kisses, but none of them are important to me, for i only crave one kiss. maybe someone has stolen...