Only me.

Have you ever though about why they call it a crush? It's because that's what it does; crushes you, right into the ground when you know you don't have a chance. Maybe it's time for me to stop; to stop 'falling' for all these people, because it never, ever end well. Over and over again I'll be hurt -  but this time I'm determined that I will not be ruined by the next person that comes along. Realising all the past things I've been through - lying, cheating, force; the list goes on - I realise I just need to find the right person who will treat me like a human. How about this time, I reconsider all the things I've fallen for before -  good looks, seemingly kind - and just think about how fucking high I felt when I saw you on another yesterday. Every time I've seen you before I've just seen you, but now I see you .  Rakes clawing at my stomach just because of you, and I don't even understand why. On a day I saw you and I fucking scre

She would never tell How she felt, She would stay quiet And keep it for herself, She had lost so much And gained so little, She would never feel good enough For anyone, Not even for herself. She would laugh And she would smile She would act like everything was fine But she knew She was living a lie Behind her smile She held a broken mind. She would lie over and over again Just because she was afraid to lose Someone who saw her real worth. She expected too much And never learned to let go She got attached too fast And when the time came A part of her was gone too. And all those promises In which she believed Flew away just like the wind. And she waited And waited But no one ever came. All she ever wants Is to never feel again Because every time she feels All she feels is pain. She justs wants to leave To be let free Like a bird set out from its cage Up into the sky To be let go To leave. That's all she wants.

Sometimes the world doesn't need to give me any more clues into the fact it wants me gone. Umpteen  times have I been told I am worthless, that I have been recognised as the useless person in a world filled with amazing, kind, beautiful people. I can't imagine what it's like to feel like people like you, or that you even like yourself, and I've come to accept that people done particularly like me. Counting down the days till I can not bother people anymore is how I spend most of my time. I wish the time would come sooner, not just for me but for everyone, as I would lot trouble people anymore. Death is easily brought upon ones self; I already have multiple ways in which I may bring calm upon myself. A single card sits on my window, the only card anyone has ever written more than a 'happy birthday' in, and I can not stand putting this person through me anymore, having to deal with me for much longer, for I must be hated for my annoyance and depressive states, and

Fuck. It's bad. It's hurting me. It's sitting in the bathroom at 2am without a thought in your head. Is having too many fucking thoughts in your head. It's having different personalities that escape you when you least expect it. It's thoughts clawing at your head, at your brain, trying to take control. It's voices telling you things. It's voices telling you to do things. It's voices telling you bad things about the people you love. It's your own head making you hate everyone around you because you're fucking scared that everyone is just an actor in some huge joke that they call your life. It's being so constantly anxious that you're constantly shaking. It's hurting yourself mentally and physically with anything the universe gives to you. It's swctioning yourself off. It's distancing yourself from your family and friends. It's having a breakdown after your own mother yells at you because there's only so m