23:30

Nearly midnight. 
I gaze around my room, seeing only pitch black. No noise, no light, nothing. I love it so much. The nothingness. Why couldn't it have been tonight?
Nearly midnight. 
Nearly the day. 
The day in which I will try with all my might at every possible moment to achieve what I want. For I am determined. 
Nearly midnight. 
I sit thinking about my best friend. The one person in the world who I know truly cares. The only person who I believe will react when my eyes turn empty. I think about all she has done for me - I was better because of her. This, now, is not her fault, merely mine. I think about how much she knows I love her. You know that, don't you?
Nearly midnight. 
I also think about the girl who I clawed after. The one who I wished was in my life frequently enough to make me not even have to sit here, writing this blog. I think about some of the last things she messaged me - 
'Please don't do anything bad. I'll talk to you tomorrow and try and explain. I love you. Night.'
She said she loved me. I don't care whether it was friendly or not. She won't have to worry about me anymore though. 
Nearly midnight. 
Maybe I won't post this at midnight, like I planned. Maybe I'll post it when it's done, because I feel like it. I'll be reckless now to make up for the past 15 years. 
Nearly midnight. 
I think about my parents. They don't know anything. Am I happy about that? I'm not sure. Maybe I don't care. 
23:27. 
I missed 11:11. 
I can't make a wish anymore. 
I'll have to make my wish come true myself. 
I'm so sorry. 
I'm sorry to everyone who cared. 
I'll be gone as soon as I can be. 
See you wherever. 
Goodnight. 
Sleep tight. 
-

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