13:26
It’s so strange.
It’s weird how I’ve felt the same way for years, but never had the nerve to acknowledge that it wasn’t normal.
Some days my head feels miles apart from my body. I feel disconnected and space out too much and can’t feel anything. Not just emotions, but actual, physical things. I feel like I’m not touching them. I space out, and people used to be able to snap me out of it until recently. Occasionally, at home, I just freeze, in my body and my mind. Like someone has taken me out of my body and put a lock on it and thrown out the key. It’s almost as if I can see my own body, watch myself sitting there, doing nothing.
I don’t feel normal. I hadn’t heard of anything like it before, and I assumed I was dreaming when it happened. Then, after a bit of research, I found something I could relate to.
Derealisation.
It all made sense because it was there. Someone had wrote something about it, and I knew I wasn’t the only one.
But recently, something else has been taking over.
My mind just feels so full
So busy
Cluttered
Like I can hear everything
And everyone
All at once.
And I’ve looked, and I’ve looked, and I’ve looked, and -
I can’t find anything.
Things say it’s just stress
A headache
Migraine
Just a small problem, fixed with ibuprofen and water.
But it’s not. Because I’ve had headaches and migraines before.
And none have them have made me want to pull out all my hair because I can hear all 47 thoughts in my head telling me to kill myself, or kill them, or them, how about her? Kick the chair, hit the wall, scratch yourself, cut yourself, take showers at the hottest degree, pull off you finger nails -
Every
Single
Thought.
I can hear them all at once.
It’s like static in my head, ringing in my ears that just won’t fuck off.
YOU’RE FRIENDS DON’T LIKE YOU
YOU’RE FAMILY DOESN’T LIKE YOU
NO ONE LIKES YOU
KILL YOURSELF
GO ON
JUST
End it.
And it hurts.
It’s like a thousand needles at each inch of my head, spiders in my ears and I hate it.
But I can’t find anything to call it.
So I can’t do anything about it.
~
It’s weird how I’ve felt the same way for years, but never had the nerve to acknowledge that it wasn’t normal.
Some days my head feels miles apart from my body. I feel disconnected and space out too much and can’t feel anything. Not just emotions, but actual, physical things. I feel like I’m not touching them. I space out, and people used to be able to snap me out of it until recently. Occasionally, at home, I just freeze, in my body and my mind. Like someone has taken me out of my body and put a lock on it and thrown out the key. It’s almost as if I can see my own body, watch myself sitting there, doing nothing.
I don’t feel normal. I hadn’t heard of anything like it before, and I assumed I was dreaming when it happened. Then, after a bit of research, I found something I could relate to.
Derealisation.
It all made sense because it was there. Someone had wrote something about it, and I knew I wasn’t the only one.
But recently, something else has been taking over.
My mind just feels so full
So busy
Cluttered
Like I can hear everything
And everyone
All at once.
And I’ve looked, and I’ve looked, and I’ve looked, and -
I can’t find anything.
Things say it’s just stress
A headache
Migraine
Just a small problem, fixed with ibuprofen and water.
But it’s not. Because I’ve had headaches and migraines before.
And none have them have made me want to pull out all my hair because I can hear all 47 thoughts in my head telling me to kill myself, or kill them, or them, how about her? Kick the chair, hit the wall, scratch yourself, cut yourself, take showers at the hottest degree, pull off you finger nails -
Every
Single
Thought.
I can hear them all at once.
It’s like static in my head, ringing in my ears that just won’t fuck off.
YOU’RE FRIENDS DON’T LIKE YOU
YOU’RE FAMILY DOESN’T LIKE YOU
NO ONE LIKES YOU
KILL YOURSELF
GO ON
JUST
End it.
And it hurts.
It’s like a thousand needles at each inch of my head, spiders in my ears and I hate it.
But I can’t find anything to call it.
So I can’t do anything about it.
~